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Name:
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LonghornBoater
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Subject:
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Random Thoughts
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Date:
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12/11/2013 1:19:00 PM
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1. There are two sides to every divorce: Yours and Chithead's.
2. The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in college was my blood alcohol
content.
3. I live in my own little world but it's OK, everyone knows me here.
4. I saw a rather large woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it. I
said, "Thyroid problem?"
5. I don't do drugs 'cause I find I get the same effect just by standing
up
really fast.
6. A sign In a Chinese Pet Store: "Buy one
dog, get one flea."
7. Money can't buy happiness but it sure makes misery easier to live
with.
8. I got a sweater for Christmas. I really wanted a screamer or a
moaner.
9. If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the
"terminal"?
10. I don't approve of political jokes. I've seen too many of them get
elected.
11. The most precious thing we have is life, yet it has absolutely no
trade-in value.
12. If life deals you lemons, make lemonade. If life deals you
tomatoes, make Bloody Marys.
13. I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your
life.
14. Shopping tip: You can get shoes for a buck at bowling alleys.
15. I am a nobody; nobody is perfect, and therefore I am perfect.
16. Every day I beat my own previous record for number of consecutive
days
I've stayed alive.
17. That Claudia Schiffer must be a genius because I told a friend my
plan to attain world peace, and he told me I have "Schiffer Brains."
18. No one ever says, "It's only a game!" when their team is winning.
19. Ever notice that people who spend money on beer, cigarettes and
lottery tickets, are always complaining about being broke and not
feeling well?
20. How long a minute is, depends on what side of the bathroom
door
you're on.
21. Isn't having a smoking section in a restaurant like having a peeing
section in a swimming pool?
22. Marriage changes passion... suddenly you're in bed with a relative.
23. Why is it that most nudists are people you don't want to see
naked?
24. Snowmen fall from Heaven un-assembled.
25. Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom 's wise words:
Don't pick that up, you don't know where it's been.
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